Well, that Happened

And then Sir Talks-a-lot used his tongue to measure his desk.

(It measured 9 tongue lengths long.)

Confiscated.

I am the kind of teacher that confiscates things. Fidget spinner that I can see or hear? Confiscated. Reading when you should be listening or doing something else? Confiscated. Snacks that are distracting? They mine. Smart watch/phone/tablet/thingy? Give it here. Silly Putty? It'll be at my desk. (That stuff is awful? Why do they make it? It gets literally everywhere.) Magnets? Come get them after class.

Almost every day I confiscate something. Sometimes its as simple as a fidget spinner, sometimes it's something as complicated as more than one paper, magnets, silly putty, books, smart watches, you name it.

Today I confiscated a paper from a student and put it on my desk. He'd begun some sort of essay about Poison, but spelled it Poysinus. I intended to edit the two sentences and hand it back.

Later, during the student presentations on deserts, I watched one boy pass a sheet of paper to the first student I confiscated the Poysinus essay from. I confiscated that paper, too. Well, actually, it was two papers. It was the Poysinus essay, completed, as well as math homework, and a spelling test all belonging to a fictional student named Fred. Apparently he is 5 years old.

When class ended, I was able to look at the papers. I present them here for your enjoyment and have transcribed them below in case you can't read the pictures.

F- good work! It's a new high score!!!

Thu Poyzinus Esay

By Fred, Fiv yeers owld

Introwducshun

          This esay iz poyzinus. I dont now wat that meenz. My teecher towld mee sow. Maybee yoo will di if yoo eet it. Just sayin.

          This esay wiz mayd by Fred. SSSSHHH? Dont tel nobody! Its top seecret. In my esay wee wil tok ubowt howda mayk a good esay. I wil teech yoo abowt creeatin good esay's. I am being reely good at maykin an esay. I'm also am bein have good gramar.

          Doo you theenk yoo ar smart eenuff too right an esay? CUZ YA ARNT! Yoo hav too bee sooooper smart. Yor brayn haz too bee at leest 5 foot 3 inches. lik mine.

          Dyagram ------>

         Hears good gramar. oo need too yooz me instead of I in situashuns lik: ME went to the stor. Everone thingks its I went to the stor. If you think so, you bein reely dum.

          This ends mee esay. So its over. Why isnt it end yet? END ESAY END!!!!!!! Okay stop reeding, maybee that wil ned it. If yoo havnt stopped reeding, yoo ar a bad persun. I will hit you in the hed and giv yoo a cuncushun. Dayng! I cant doo that throo payper. Can you just pleez stop reeding? Pleez? Kay, fine, I'll just righ...

The End

(It worked!)

Name:   Fred                           0/5

Math Homework

1. 2+2=22                                  2. 3-2= -32

3. 5x3=555                                4. 3x5=33333

5. bonus question

5/3 = No Cloo

Teacher commentary:

I'm not saying you're good, I'm just saying you were worse last week.

                         O

Spelling Test

1. Kat     2. Hot    3. ???   4. Funee

5. thay     6.wat     7. Laf     8. wil

9. wy    10. reely

Answers (written upside down at the bottom of the page)

1. Cat    2. Hat    3. boy     4. funny

5. they    6. what    7. laugh    8. will

9. Why    10. really

I think I'll ask these two students to continue the adventures of Fred. I'll put it all in a binder and give it to them at the end of the year.

Lists

Things I collected today:
1 six-limbed fidget spinner
5 magnets of varying sizes, all round
Minutes of silence: 6
1 half finished comic style drawing
2 books (Captain Underpants and The Lightning Thief)
The smart watch phone part of a smart watch
Most of the math homework
3 class dollars


New Pet Peeves:
Getting in a fight with an inanimate object. And losing.
Forgetting someone was coming to my lesson to help out.


Things I graded:
The tests.
All of them.


Things I am grateful for:
The student in charge of the calendar remembered his job.
The back row of desks did not move further back during the day.
My instructor (teacher's aide) watched my class while I took two students to finish their tests.
The Dean of students (assistant vice principal?) gave me constructive feedback for the part of the lesson he observed.
We got to the read aloud today. Students even asked for it.
Two of my students changed my schedule for me.
Planning tomorrow didn't take as long as it usually does.
The upstairs printer is working again.
My students read the instructions on the whiteboard and follow them.
I remembered a water bottle.

Funny moments:

"Miss Maddox, you have something sticking out of your hair, not your pen."
It was a bobby pin.

Running back up to the workroom just qbefore recess ended, because, despite having already been there, I'd forgotten to get posters. Which is why I went up there.

"Brexit! India! Stop flirting."

"WE'RE NOT FLIRTING!"